Admit it…you missed my witty repartee and keen insights didn’t you?  Okay, neither did I. For a while there I was pretty much just dry and tapped out myself and didn’t have a lot I wanted to write about.  But I’m feeling re energized, reconnected, and I ran across an article that is just too good not to bring to your attention.

We talk a lot about how crucial it is for us as Jesus followers to come to grips with everything that God has done for us.  All that He has made us. The transformation that occurred in us when we gave our hearts to Jesus.  We need to live in the reality of who we really are in Christ: forgiven; holy and blameless; blessed with every spiritual blessing; partners in God’s larger story; the Holy Spirit actually living inside of us; legally adopted as sons.

We are adopted as sons (and I know that sounds sexist but that’s a gender inclusive term, that male or female, we’ve been given the same rights as legal heirs of God which isn’t sexist at all.) Because of this great love God has for us, he has made us, who once were orphans or slaves, a part of his family.

So this article appeared in the Arizona Republic the day after Christmas called Hope Holds Out: Boy Gains Family. It tells the story of Evens Paul, a 10 year old boy from an orphanage in Haiti and his younger brother who have been in process of being adopted by a family here in Gilbert for several years now. It was nearly official two years ago, then the earthquake destroyed all the records and they had to start over. You should read the rest of the story, it’s really very moving, but what I wanted you to hear were some of the statements from the family. And what it says about who you are in the eyes of your Father.

“My family has been waiting for me,” says Evens Paul Goracke. His family has loved him even before they got him.

Evens knew some English, but spoke Creole the best. He called Heather “Mami” and Jason “Papi.” He taught Brayden the Creole word for “brother.” He told Brayden that he wanted to look like his American family.

When they got him home, Brayden gave him the tour and showed Evens the pool, their room, the Legos, the bunk beds: all shared. When I came from Haiti,” Evens says, “the first thing he said: ‘Everything is yours.’”

This family, the judge reads, shall now “bear towards each other the relationship of parents and children.” When she gets to that part, his mom grabs him tight, and he watches his parents wipe their eyes. “It’s done,” his mom whispers. “She said yes. You’re stuck with us, no matter what.”

Did you hear that? I mean, did you really hear that?? Loved before they got him. Everything is yours. You’re stuck with us no matter what.  Maybe we need a story like this to break through the intellect to the emotion of what God has done for us in Christ.  To get our arms around the truth of who we are.  Children of “Papi.” And maybe our response should be what Evens was: to want to be like our new family.

Find the whole story at

 

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I was out in Ohio a couple for weeks ago for a class on church planting that I took with my son David and his wife Sarah--btw, have I mentioned that I'm going to be a grandfather?  (Smooth getting that in there, huh?) Sarah is due in November, their first, our first, it's all very exciting!  But...I digress.

While I was there, I spent some time with a good friend, but to carve out that time meant I had to sit through his small group get together.  Nice people, good discussion, excellent desserts, the meeting itself was fine. It wasn't until afterwards that I was astounded.  We were talking about the group and some of their past experiences, and my friend told me how several years earlier one of the couple's marriage was in trouble, and how the guys met with the husband and spoke truth to him, encouraged him to fight for his marriage, and, well, loved him.  And the girls did the same with the wife.  And the result was that God saved that marriage and made it something solid. And how they're doing the same thing with another couple right now.  By the end I was shaking my head, just astonished at the depth of community they were expressing to each other, the risky involvement in each others lives.  I told him that and he looked a little puzzled and said, "Huh! Yeah, I guess that is special, I hadn't really thought about it. Usually I'm just frustrated that it doesn't seem like anything is getting done. It's good me to hear that perspective!"

A pretty good picture of what it means to do all those one another things the Bible talks about, isn't it?  I could be the teacher here and talk about the principles we can draw out of that--the transforming power of community or how you need to invest a lot of what may seem like insignificant time to lay the foundation for significant events or how we all need this kind of connection.  But I' rather go beyond the classroom with you and ask a more important question: what about you? Are you involved in a community like that?  Are there people in your life that would be that risky with you, would care that much about you?  And for my Oasis family--are you connected with others from this community in that kind of way? 

I confess I walked away that night (freezing in the cold and wet that is Ohio) thinking that we think we do this doing life together thing pretty well, but wondering if all of us are in this kind of relationship.  And pretty sure we aren't.  You may be surprised to know that I think of you all alot, and I worry when I sense that you're disconnected, withdrawn from these kinds of meaningful/essential relationships.  You know that I believe we all need to live in this kind of community, where we are loved, protected, cared for, and do the same to others.  I need people who know me well enough, love me well enough, that if my marriage is in trouble, they won't simply watch me drift away, but will gather around me and speak truth and love to me. And so do you.

So, if you're from Oasis, you're going to get an invitation from me soon to extend our connection time, to give opportunity for relationships to go deeper, I'm going to lead you to the waters of community...which of course I can't make you drink from!  And I'm going to encourage you to involve yourself in the things that promote this kind of intimacy, like our retreats, and potlucks, and campouts. It takes a lot of time together to get to the nuggets of significance, to delve below the surface of superficiality.  To trust. 

And if you're not from Oasis, find that community somewhere, go on an all out search until you find it. Because let's face it, ultimately relationships are everything, the eternal things.  And it's better to walk this path together than alone.
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So we finished our series on sexuality from God's perspective last week, and may I never have to say again in a message some of the words I've had to say over the course of that six weeks! Words like...oh, no, you have to go and listen if you want to know. Too bad we don't video this, then you could see how red I get.

But I still think this was such an important topic for us to talk about.  We are being lied to on a daily basis about how we are made, and we have subtly bought into those lies without even realizing it.  It's the frog in the kettle kind of thing again. So my heart was to restore the sacred and the relational passion to our sexuality.  Hopefully you caught that, but like I said, it's really a matter of what we're going to buy into (the truth or a lie) and about how much we're willing to trust God with our sexuality. 

And oddly enough, I'm not the only one apparently who thinks this is a vital topic to deal with. I was channel surfing last night and stumbled on two local church broadcasts. The first words I heard from one was "naked and unashamed," and the other was talking about sexuality as well. Hmmm....

Well, there is a point to this blog, honest.  One of the points we made about being naked and unashamed was that we needed to become students of both lovemaking and of our spouse.  Consider it continuing education.  So I wanted to pass on some of the resources I used (besides the Bible, which is filled with wonderful insight on this) so you could do some study on your own.  Kind of like extra credit...geez, how much motivation do you need to do this??  Anyway, here's the titles of some of the books I used: 

Sheet Music (Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage) by Kevin Leman
A Celebration of Sex (A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy) by Douglas Rosenau
Love and War (Finding the Marriage you've Dreamed Of) by John and Stasi Eldridge
Red Hot Monogamy (Making your Marriage Sizzle) by Bill and Pam Farrell
Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat

You'll find these go into more, shall we say, depth, on the topic. ( And for my single readers, I'd maybe suggest waiting until you're engaged to begin your education. Channel that energy elsewhere!)

So was this series helpful?  Did you get anything out of it?  (Perhaps I should rephrase that.) Why not comment here and let me know how this challenged you, or which moment of my embarrassment you found most enjoyable! 

One story to close: Somewhere in the middle of this series I recommended that you and your spouse should read the Song of Solomon together and take some time to figure out just exactly what it is the lovers are talking about in that poem.  Well, one of you told me (this is how I know we're a really close church!) that you didn't get past chapter 4 before, well, um,
 
 
I'm in one of my reading frenzies...I've got two novels started (depending on which bathroom I'm in) and two non-fiction reads going, and the only trouble I have is in trying to keep the stories straight. It makes for an interesting plot when I mix the story lines! I  just finished Philip Yancey's newest book, What Good is God.  Most of you know that Yancey has been one of my spiritual mentors through the years, ever since we stumbled on Disappointment with God during some rough times back in Indiana.  He has a way of speaking into my soul,this book was no different. He uses 10 different speaking opportunities to look at the role God plays in cultures, countries, and difficult events.  In one chapter, he's looking at the impact that AA has had on people dealing with addictions, and he titles his talk "Why I Wish I was an Alcoholic." You'll have to get the book to see what that's all about, but he says something there that made me wonder about our Oasis family.

Yancey writes this: "Every week the Mustard Seed group recites the twelve steps together and as I listened they seemed to boil down to two big steps. One is radical honesty. These alcoholics and drug addicts can smell deception a mile away and have learned to be brutally honest about their flaws and failures. The second step is radical dependence. They know they cannot make it through another day without the help of their friends and without the help of God. It occurred to me...that my own church could use a refreshed course on these very two steps. People can fake it in church--"How's it going?" "O fine, fine." When in truth a marriage is falling apart, a teenager has run away. "Need any help?" "No, no, everything's fine, the Lord is good."

Then, later he writes: "Many of the most spiritual addicts I know avoid church because they view it as a place for people who have it all together. Oh, my! I can think of far more entertaining ways to spend my Sunday mornings if I already have it together. I go to church as an expression of my need for God and for God's family. So often however, I leave with an empty feeling because church covers reality with a veneer of respectability. What have we done that we communicate church as a place for well people rather than a place to get well?"

That's what an oasis is, isn't it? A place to get well, to be rescued, to recover. A place for honesty and openness. What reading this did for me was to say, "you know what, we're pretty close to this." Just over the past couple of weeks, we've had people come in and say, "I'm having trouble with my child" and "My marriage is in bad shape."  We want to be this kind of place, where grace and love and acceptance provides an environment of healing instead of judgment and un-grace. There's always of course room to grow. It's still hard to drop the masks and let others see us for who and what we really are.  There's still some stiffness in our get togethers--we need to relax and be together as friends and family instead of feeling like we're in a church service! Like we're hanging out in someone's family room together. (I think it's those dang benches--how can you not feel like you're in at a performance of some kind?)  But I'm so so grateful that many of you have taken the risk to say, "I don't have it all together. I'm hurting. I need my family's support." 

"I have a feeling that if the watching world saw the church as a place that welcomes broken people for healing, it might have a greater impact than all our sophisticated outreach programs put together." I think I agree with that. It's what I want for us--a family that is real with each other.  And not just because I'm a neb nose (don't get me started on western Pennsylvania-ese!). It's becasue we should be a fmaily
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A hummingbird was dancing outside my office window just now, maybe for a whole minute. That has nothing whatsoever to do with what I want to write about, but it was so cool!

Raw Christianity.  That’s what I want to deal with today.  Heard anyone use this phrase yet to describe their faith?  It’s been bandied about (just how do you go about bandying something about?) in a couple of different circles of friends of mine.  And it kind of rubs me, well, raw. 

What I understand them to mean when they call themselves raw Christians is that we should be genuine in our faith, we need to drop all pretense of being something that we aren’t and just let people see us for what we are—sinners saved by grace.  We need to dispense with the mask wearing, stop putting on airs of self-righteousness, and be real. Now that’s not what concerns me, I actually think that’s the way we should live out our faith, both with our fellow followers and with our friends in the world.  (Pretty good alliteration there, huh?) I need to be real, to let others know the real Jim Miller, my heart, my hurts, failings. (Almost did it again, but couldn’t think of an H word for failings.) I get that.

What does concern me is that some of those who talk about being Raw Christians use it as a rationalization to do and say whatever they want.  From using street language to justifying lifestyle choices. All in the name of being real, or raw.

But I like a different R word. Instead of being a raw Christian, I want to be a radical follower of Jesus.  I want to live a Sermon on the Mount kind of life.  I want to embrace costly, not cheap, grace. To live counter to the culture, not conformed to it. To answer the call to radical obedience, not out of some legalistic attitude where I’m trying to look good for God and others, but out of a loving relationship where I want to please the God who loves me. I want to risk for God.  I want to hold nothing back.  I don’t want to settle for the mediocrity of the raw lifestyle, I rather want to be challenged to a radical pursuit of God.  A ‘take up my cross’ kind of pursuit.

And just in case you missed it: real, raw, rationalization, risk, radical.  Sign me up for the last one.

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I read an article in the Sunday AZ Republic a couple of weeks ago about a couple whose marriage was in trouble. They had two teenagers, both had pretty successful careers, and over the course of time they had simply drifted apart and disconnected. They had talked about divorce, because isn't that what people do in this situation today? Well, the guy had a business trip to Italy (I got to figure out a way to get my business to take me to Italy!) and his wife accompanied him to play hostess for the group he was traveling with. One evening they sat on their balcony overlooking the Italian landscape, the husband said, "You now, I could live here." His wife replied, "Me too." And as they talked, they began to see a glimmer of light, a possibility of how to save their marriage and reconnect. but it was going to take drastic steps.  They went home and quit their jobs. They sold their house in California. They pulled their kids out of their schools. And they moved their family to Italy.  They used the proceeds from the house to pay for a year there. When the money ran out, then came home and found jobs that wouldn't be so demanding or time consuming.  They lowered their standard of living. And they fell back in love.

The romantic in me loves that story (yes, you know I'm a romantic, admit it!).  But its not very practical, is it?  I mean, who would ever think about going to that length to save their marriag....Giving up your successful career just so you don't get divorc...it's an awfully drastic step just to put relationships firs...

This is a couple that came to their senses before it was too late.  They suddenly saw what was of utmost importance in their lives--their marriage, their kids--and they took what many would call ridiculous steps in order to restore it.  They 'threw away' careers, house, security, their comfortable lifestyles, because they knew they were missing what was of most value.  They became desperate for each other, and they let nothing stand in the way of their restoration.  They went all the way to Italy!

How about you, or me for that matter? How far would we go?  Would we risk everything for what's most important? Would we put relationship over success, over comfort?  What if it had been your marriage (what if it is?) How important is it to you?  How desperate are you for reconnection? Most of us might be willing to do minor surgery, we might go to say, New Mexico.  But all the way to Italy? 

And what if it's your friendship with God?  To what lengths are you willing to go to reestablish what is the most vital relationship you need?  What are the things that have dragged you away from that first love, and now stand as barriers between you and God? What would you be willing to give up? How far would you go? All the way to Italy?

We sing that song at church that takes me deep every time: "I'll be a fool for You, I'll waste my life on You."  Turning your back on all that you own, all that you've acquired, all you've achieved seems pretty foolish, a waste. But not when it's weighed against the truly weighty things of life: love, friendship, relationship.  I don't think that family really misses any of that other stuff. They found what was really valuable--each other.  But they had to go to Italy to do it!
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Joy is Opposed 10/13/2010
 
I've used this illustration a few times lately, that our walk with Jesus is more like a football than golf. With golf, I'm basically playing the course, trying to improve, wanting to lower my score, and then we compare that score to the other guys I'm playing with to see who wins.  But football is different.  In a football game, I have the goals of playing well, choosing and running good plays and wanting to score touchdowns every time I get the ball.  But there's an added element in pigskin: there's another team that is actively opposed to what it is I'm trying to accomplish, whose goal is, in fact, to keep from doing and becoming exactly what it is I'm trying to do and become.

That came to mind again because Ann got a letter recently from Ransomed Heart, John Eldridge's organization, and in it he wrote about a disappointing situation he found himself in and how it raised questions about whether God really cared about him.  As he was praying it through, here's the message he heard from God: Every joy is deeply opposed.  Then he writes:

"Wait. What? It is? Really?  Every joy is deeply opposed? That changes my perspective on everything. I mean, if that's true, then You are doing so much, for all the joy we do receive. And we are being so naive when we when we see joy as something that ought to come pretty easily.  Like it's not really central to what's going on. Not a major point but a kind of sideshow, so it shouldn't be so hard. But then it is hard, and it doesn't happen, and that raises all sorts of questions, especially about...God."

"Think about it friends--what are the assumptions you are making about joy, and unanswered prayer, and God's heart toward you? Do you see joy as central to this Story, absolutely central, and therefore deeply opposed in your life--not by God, but by your enemy?  Do you see how disappointment, wrongly interpreted, clouds your relationship with God? Lets in a sense of betrayal? Do you see how believing otherwise would change so much of your perspective?  Dear friends, joy is central and joy is opposed."

I think we forget sometimes that we are at war.  That there's an opponent who is actively working against us.  If we could get our arms around that rea
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An Unnatural Act 09/08/2010
 
The other night I got a few messages on facebook that my friend requests had been accepted by people who I didn't remember asking to be my friend. Ann sheepishly confessed she knew why, that she had been on my facebook page checking on something (no doubt seeing what I was up to) and then forgot and made several friend requests thinkiing it was from her account (I've since gotten two or three more friends I didn't anticipate).  Now I need to confess here that I possibly overreacted a little bit--unimaginable, I know--mostly because I maybe wouldn't have chosen to request these folks for one reason or another--ok, I didn't like it because it revealed that I was still emotionally distanced from some of them because I was, well, er, bitter.  (So confess some of your sins and see how easy it is.) 

This bitterness thing is kind of insidious. Sneaky mean.  You think you've forgiven someone, and then something happens that shows you really just tried to sweep it under the rug.  I'm pretty sure that's why God orchestrated this whole facebook snafu, to show me my shortcomings.   especially when I'm getting ready to start a series on forgiveness!  Bitterness, unresolved anger, unforgiveness, it's all an ugly cycle that keeps us in bondage, a prisoner of our own emotions, and we won't ever experience freedom and whole relationships until we get our arms around forgiving others. But it's not easy, but we're going to explore why it's essential and how to go about doing it.  That starts this Sunday, September 12.

And I NEED YOUR HELP WITH IT!  I'd really like to incorporate your stories throughout the next six weeks of how God has used forgiveness in your experience to bring about healing and wholeness in your relationships. I know, could I pick a topic that is a personal and has as much emotion tied to it?  Well, there's one other I could think...but I'm not asking for those stories! Do you have a specific experience you could share in a couple of minutes on a Sunday morning?  Email me, facebook me, or, heaven forbid, call me.  I think it would be really powerful and movng t 
 
I Like My Family 07/09/2010
 
I'm heading out east in a few days and I'll get to see most of my family when I'm out there, and that's always a good thing.  They say you can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives...or was that you can fool some of the people some of the...I was never very good at old sayings.  But I like my family as well as loving them, and I'm not talking just about Mom, Dad and siblings at points east.

I've got all these wonderful theological ways of describing why we do what we do as church, as Oasis, but the one thing it boils down to for me is that we're family. Our relationships with each other are really the thing that makes this baby run, and we saw it so clearly at our gathering this past Sunday.

For those of you who weren't there, every so often we like to just kick back (which for us is kind of like telling a man in a hammock that he should swing a little more--we're already pretty laid back!) and put aside the agenda and let anyone who wants to talk about what God is doing in their lives. It took a little while to get there, but in one amazing moment, god took us deep into the hearts of each other, and we ended up gathering around three families dealing with difficult things and praying for them as their...family. Love, care, concern, compassion...family.



Now just to make sure you understand, we think we have family with a purpose, that we live together as family in order to accomplish the mission of God. (Will I ever be able to not hear Dan Ackroyd when I say those words??) We are part of God's larger story, we are joining with him is his rescue of the world, we want to love those around us, those in our personal communities, with the love of Jesus.  But in order to do that, we need a place of support and encouragement; a place where we can find healing and compassion; a place to celebrate and commiserate; we need...family.  People who love us no matter what. People who are partnered with us in this greater purpose. People who will watch out for me, challenge me and cry with me. People who will remind me of why I'm here and of the God who loves me. 


When you're family and not an organization, you put up with a lot more from each other.  You overlook a lot.  You're much more accepting.  We may have chosen to be part of Oasis, but it's God who has made us family, and you can't fire your relatives. 


Thanks John, Michelle, Susan, et al who helped us get below the surface on Sunday, and experience the connection that God wants for us as his church...his family.
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I see it's been a while since my last post, but I did promise up front not to do this just to do it, that I'd wait till I had something to actually say.  And I'd prefer to just put this one off even longer.  It's a whole heck of a lot easier to tell YOU what you should be doing differently than it is to have to deal with anything concerning myself. Hey, I'm a pastor, I'm perfect! (let me say it for you...yeah, right!)

I have been married for 30 years now, and you would think that after 30 you'd have learned just about everything there is to be learned, you'd have perfected just about everything about the marriage gig. And Ann really is pretty close, but I'm probably just a slow learner.  Here's what I'm finally coming to understand after 30.

Jesus has a couple of things to say about following him that if we're honest, we really would rather just gloss over and get to the good stuff about peace and joy and no worry. He says, "Greater love has no man than this--that a man lay down his life for his friends." (He then goes on to astonishingly call us friends which is a topic for another day.) And he says "If anyone would be my disciple, [and I really don't like this one] let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me." And then John picks up on this and drives it home in his first letter: "This is how we know what love is, that Jesus laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren." Or for our wives.

Now this doesn't just have to do with marriage, in fact doesn't really have marriage in mind here, but I can't get past the idea that marriage is included in being a disciple of Jesus, that Ann is one of the brethren I should be laying down my life for.  Which doesn't sound right, but you get my meaning here, I hope. Following Jesus is about denying ourselves, about laying down our lives for each other, about sacrificing our own wants and rights in order to love like Jesus loved. 

Denying myself. You don't hear a lot about that kind of thinking in our culture. Fulfilling myself sure. Looking out for number one absolutely. Becoming self actualized...did you hear about the man who went into the bookstore and asked the salesgirl where the self help section was and she said, "Well, if I told you that would kind of defeat the purpose wouldn't it?" No?  Well, I'm just stalling anyway.  We rarely live in such a way that we are more concerned with denying ourselves than we are with focusing on ourselves.  Without going into too many specifics, I have spent 30 years in pursuit of my rights, my wants. Not totally, I'm not a complete slouch on this discipleship thing. But in some pretty important areas I have been more selfish than sacrificing.

And now, probably not for the first time, but maybe for the first time that I'm willing to consider this possibility, I'm being called to deny myself, to lay down my life, and to sacrifice. And I don't like it, because it is sacrifice, and as sacrifice implies, it requires giving up something.  It requires a choice to love someone else more than I love myself, or love what I consider to be my rights.  For me at this moment in my life, that has to do with my relationship with the woman I have loved for more than 30 years. But there are so many other relationships, so many other ways this needs to be applied.  Your kids. Our church family. Our co-workers. Wherever and whoever. the way of the cross is through the path of denying ourselves.

I'll be sure to let you know how this all works out. Next time I'm writing about you.
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